What Sort of Kingpin Karaoke Crooner Are You?

Karaoke

Did you know that Kingpin now has private karaoke rooms? Stocked with a huge and regularly updated list of current hits and straight-up classics (and with table service drinks to boot) our karaoke rooms are the ultimate night out, whether you’re planning an outrageous hens, an off-the-wall Saturday with your mates, or just a slightly intimidating, but very confident first date.

Before you step up to the screen and show the world why you should have been picked on last season of X-Factor, it’s time to work out once and for all what your karaoke persona really is.

1. Alright. First song time. This is the track that will set the agenda for the rest of the evening. What’s your unarguable, know-all-the-words-and-the-dance-moves opening number?

A: Whatever Tay-Tay put out last week.

B: ‘Baby Got Back’ by Sir Mix-a-Lot.

C: ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ by Nirvana.

D: ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA.

2. When you’ve got that mic in hand, what can people expect to witness?

A: A perfectly sculpted, seemingly pre-rehearsed dance number that you just know is gonna get those Insta likes.

B: A tongue-in-cheek riff on the pops and drops you learnt in that Beyonce dance class.

C: A wild mass of limbs and energy befitting a young Peter Garrett.

D: A rhythmic, side-to-side step-a-thon, the likes of which should probably be an Olympic event.

3. Drink of choice?

A: I dunno. What’s cheap?

B: Espresso Martinis, obvs.

C: What’s wrong with a good, old-fashioned schooner of beer?

D: Keep the chardy topped up, Ramon. The sitter’s in and we’re having a night!

4. For the karaoke king/queen, appearance is everything. What’s the outfit of choice for your popstar in waiting?

A: Just a few totally unrelated items I found at the op shop. It’s called power clashing.

B: Sequins. Oh lord, so many sequins.

C: Jeans, flannel shirt, solid shoes. Proper party attire, y’know?

D: The dress you wore to your nephew Ben’s wedding. Just good enough to get another use out of it, I say.

5. Time to wrap things up. Final track and the pressure’s on. How do you take it home?

A. ‘Shake it Off’, also by Tay-Tay.

B. ‘Crazy in Love’ by Beyonce.

C. ‘Creep’ by Radiohead.

D. ‘Hey Jude’ by the Beatles.

RESULTS

Mostly As: You’re a karaoke millennial. You’re so on the ball that half the time people have literally no idea what song it is you’re singing. But it doesn’t matter because you hit it with so much confidence and class the rest of the room pretty much has to come along for the ride.

Mostly Bs: You’re as Gen Y as they come. You like to think you invented ironic appreciation, but now you’re pretty sure you just love the music unconditionally. When it comes to karaoke, you give it your messy, atonal all because, dammit, why wouldn’t you? You’re gonna be young forever!

Mostly Cs: Good music basically ended with the turn of the millennium and you know it because you’re doing karaoke like a Gen X-er. But memory lane is a wonderful place, and when someone whips out the Kate Bush, it’s like being at the Year 12 formal all over again.

Mostly Ds: You legitimately were into this stuff before it was cool, because you’re a karaoke Boomer. The Beatles, Prince, Bowie, the Stones? You know everyone else loves singing this stuff too, you just remember when it first came out. And for the next two hours, it’s gonna be like the last thirty years never happened.